Whether you are separated or not, Mums never get it right 100% of the time but we put ourselves under so much pressure to! During divorce, we can have overwhelming mum guilt telling us we have got it all wrong and worry about the damage not having an ‘intact’ family unit will do to our children. As a single mum and therapist, I have been there! All of the added stress you are under during and after separation makes it harder to deal with our children’s needs and we can sometimes end up putting our children to bed and then beating ourselves up about everything we feel we got wrong that day.

Here is the good news, you don't have to get it right 100% of the time. In fact, no one does and it is impossible to aim for that. The key thing is, that when we don’t get it right, we repair and we apologise.

Separated mothers don’t get it right every time

As a therapist and divorced mother of 2 who has experienced the same journey, I understand. You are human, you won’t get it right every time - and that’s totally fine! Divorce creates many changes that make life as a single mum difficult to process. And because you’re carrying all that stress, all these concerns and expectations - whether from others or yourself - you, in that one moment where things become too much, snapped at your children. I get it and you aren’t alone, every mum has done this!

Good mums don’t get it right all the time... Good
mums repair!

Should you find yourself in a position where emotionally everything surrounding your divorce becomes too much, causing you to snap or be less patient than you would like with your kids, take a deep breath. Offer yourself some compassion and when you and the children are emotionally regulated again, make the ‘emotional repair’ with your child. As a therapist and divorced mum of two who’s been here, this is what I say to repair with my children: 

“I am sorry for speaking in a cross voice. I have my own big feelings and they came out in a cross voice. I am sure that felt scary and sad for you. It's not your fault. I am sorry. I love you so much.”

We are only human, yet we try so hard to shield our children from our divorce that we sometimes neglect our own emotional needs. It’s ok to not feel ok and it is okay to not get it right all of the time. Remember, good mums don’t get it right all the time - good mums repair!