Hey Muma, they say it takes a village to raise a child, and as a single mum myself, I know that being a single parent is about as far away from a village as you can get! As amazing caring parents, we’re so invested in supporting and doing all we can for our children that we sometimes neglect our own emotional needs, but I’ve got news for your sister, a thriving mum = thriving children! Children grow up to replicate us, so treat yourself with the self-love you want your child to treat themselves with as they are older. So, here are 8 reminders YOU need to hear today as a divorced mother.

Life is too short to let loneliness drive you back to toxic people

At times, it’s all too easy to feel lonely and maybe even consider returning to a broken-down relationship or jumping into a new relationship when we aren’t ready. This is a very normal feeling that most people exiting a toxic relationship feel, especially in the first year after separation. This is you adjusting to the new normal, but the new normal is uncertain and different and your brain doesn’t want uncertainty because that causes anxiety. Our brains are wired to prefer a familiar ‘hell’ over the unfamiliarity of something that could lead to something better. When you feel the pull to go back to negative people, remember this is your brain wiring looking for certainty and familiarity, not because you need that person or would be better with them.

Sometimes what didn't work out for you, really worked out for you

Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change. Not every relationship works out, and it’s ok to walk away and learn from it what you need and want in a relationship. Taking time to figure out what you need and want means you will step into a healthier relationship in the future.

Life is to be lived - not controlled

Life is meant to be lived. This is your time. Time for you and your children to learn, grow and thrive.

Change is scary, but so is staying the same

We naturally seek the security that comes from what’s familiar to us, which makes the changes that come with divorce scary. But so too is waking up in your 70s in a loveless relationship, wishing you had your time again. Don’t let fear deter you from stepping into your power and having the life you deserve. YOU have the ability to get for yourself and your children!

Some people judge you for changing, other people celebrate you for growing - choose your circle wisely

During your divorce, it’s important to surround yourself with people who understand and support you. We have enough trouble with our own self-doubt and inner-critical voice without the need for external factors weighing us down. What others think is out of our control, but what is in our control is who we choose to surround ourselves with and listen to.

Love yourself instead of loving the idea of other people loving you

If we can’t love ourselves and are relying on someone else to make us feel loved and fill that void, we enter into relationships dependent on the other to make us feel okay. Take time to go on the healing journey towards loving yourself, it will be the most freeing thing you ever do. 

Just because it's taking time doesn't mean it's not happening

Take life after divorce in your stride. Although it can take time, and there may be setbacks along the way, it’s fully within your power to achieve a future where you and your children thrive. One step at a time, you’ll get there Muma! Take it from someone who has walked the path.

Your whole life can change in one year, make this the one

The road to a successful life after divorce isn’t a straight line. There will be ups and downs, but with perseverance and focus you can be where you want to be. It could only be a year away!