Hey Muma, I know getting your kids through your divorce and the anxiety over how to comfort them and make them feel secure can feel completely overwhelming - I’ve been there! As a therapist who specialises in working with separated parents to give them the tools they need to ensure their children thrive during and after divorce, I see so many parents struggling with the idea that their child isn’t coping but not knowing how to rescue them from those feelings. A challenging time for children when their parents are separating can be bedtime, because this is a time when they are left with their thoughts and their mind can start to wander and underlying anxiety can come to the surface during this time. A great thing to do to help soothe your children and rest their worrying minds is to affirm their secure connection to you at bedtime. I have put together 5 suggested phrases that you can say to your child before they go to sleep. These are designed to affirm their attachment to you and build self-esteem and self-worth.

5 phrases to tell your children during divorce before bedtime to build their feeling of attachment to you and their self-esteem...

1. “I am so happy I get to be your mummy.”

This lets them know that you delight in them and no matter what has happened that day or what is changing in life, you are happy because they are your child. This builds a sense of security for children.

2. “You are loved and you are safe.”

Being explicit about the fact that our children are loved and safe is important during times of change. Changes such as divorce can make children feel subconsciously unsafe because things feel uncertain. Telling them they are safe at bedtime can help to soothe anxiety.

3. “You are smart. You are kind. You are good. You are important.”

What we say to our children or about our children becomes their inner voice that they will live with throughout childhood and adulthood. Make your child's inner voice a kind one, especially during the changes that come with divorce where children can often look to blame themselves or wonder what might be wrong with them that could have caused the separation.

4. Repeat after me, "I am a great kid, my mum loves me and my dad loves me...”

Insert anyone's name based on who is a constant or important attachment figure in your child's life. If our children are able to affirm to themselves, their worth and how valued/loved they are, this is incredibly powerful to their feeling of security and attachment.

5. “I will love you forever. I will always like you. You are my favourite person.”

These statements tell our children that no matter what happens or no matter how our child behaves, we will always love them. This is especially important during divorce when children can subconsciously start to question ‘If mum and dad have stopped loving each other, could they ever stop loving me?’

To every child, their parents are their world. It is possible for your children to not only survive divorce but thrive! Small gestures like expressing your love in intentional and purposeful ways can go a long way in reminding them of the special bond you share. Assuring your children that they are secure in the love you have for them and nothing can take that away.

As a separated mother and therapist, I’ve witnessed and felt the effects of what lacking guidance and resources for single mothers can cause. Most of us have no idea what we are doing, yet we so desperately want to get it right for our children. That is why I’ve made it my mission to help single parents become empowered super mums and raise healthy thriving children. For more help click below for how you can work with me and free guides that will empower you to ensure your children thrive.